I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
