the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
