I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Randomize
