the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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