FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
