if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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