I think i sorta joined a cult last night
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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