At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
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