in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
