Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
