1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Randomize
