Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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