Having a random hookup so left but love u
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
