if you force a hooker to have sex with you and dont pay her would it be rape or theft? something to ponder
I could make wine with my vomit
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
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