just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
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