Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
