Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
