theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
