Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
