I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
