I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Randomize
