you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize
