hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Randomize
