saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Someone signed my nipple.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
