i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
