No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
