My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
