A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
