My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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