Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
