i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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