I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
