yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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