I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
