drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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