I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
