Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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