When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
