Umm I'm too high to move.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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