I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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