I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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