just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
