toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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