I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
