eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Randomize
