I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
i need an iv and a liver transplant
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
