brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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