sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
