Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
