Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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