my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I just gargled with NyQuil
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
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